Ninjas Versus Pirates

UPDATE

2006-09-07T15:07:00.000-04:00

Still alive, haven't had time to blog,I don't even get to the news anymore so as far as I know America has evaporated in a nuclear holocaust. Perhaps thats why the Europeans seem so happy lately.

Anyway once I get set up in my flat (thats what they call apartments here) I will blog a bit and perhaps post some interesting pictures. But not just yet.

Cheers.

BUDAPEST

2006-08-30T15:02:00.000-04:00

So I am in Budapest. Its an interesting city, its ugly, its smelly, its dirty and yet at times can be very nice, very clean and very beautiful. So far things are going well, as well as they can Í guess. My luggage was missing for awhile but now is back, and I have been mugged and/or beaten yet.

It still might be the worst idea ever, but so far so good.

EXPAT-ING

2006-08-25T06:10:00.000-04:00

I leave for Hungary tommorrow, I will be on a plane for 13 and 1/2 hours with a stopover in Copenhagen, Denmark. I have never been to Denmark.

This is Spartacus, he will not be traveling to Europe and will have a new home where he will be very happy.

I also have a myspace now, good for me.

Goodbye all, I will miss you

SO...

2006-08-17T20:58:00.000-04:00

I am going to Budapest, Hungary for a year. They are famous for goulash, being the lesser part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, and being under Communism until 1989.

So why am I going you may ask...well thats a very good question; as soon as I have an answer, I will let you know.

I will try to continue to use this medium to keep all of you enthralled readers abreast of my various adventures and goings on.

Maybe this is a bad idea, but thats what they said about old whats her face and the whole beard thing.

And they were right.

GEORGE AND ME

2006-08-14T22:06:00.000-04:00

Recently it was revealed that a few years ago on his summer vacation at the ranch President Bush read Albert Camus' The Stranger. This book happens to be one of my favorite books and coincidentally provides the name I use on this blog. This work deals with themes common throughout existentialist literature; the alienation of man, the absurdity and incoherence of life, and man's role in creating his destiny.

Now this leads to many questions like why did President Bush choose to read this book and what did he get out of it? Did Bush see in Meursault a reflection of himself, a loner rejecting convention and popular sentiment and taking actions he himself even knew to be wrong? Perhaps he identifed with the namelass Arab that Meursault murders and is ultimately punished for. Bush has certainly killed a few nameless Arabs, at least indirectly.

I have always seen the president as an idiot, and I still do. But I would like to see what George got out of this book, if anything. Perhaps Bush is a deeper thinker than most suspect, or perhaps he just thought the book was short and did not have too many big words. I would love to sit down with the president and have a talk sometime, we totally have a lot to talk about. We could talk about literature, history, politics, and baseball obviously. I could tell him how he is the worst president in modern history and he can tell me how much hell is going to suck for me when the rapture comes.

What is George reading this vacation?

THAT DOG LOOKS FAKE

2006-08-10T09:21:00.000-04:00

In some regions of China some people have died of rabies and the response by the Chinese government has been to kill every fucking dog they can find. Over 50,000 dogs have been killed so far, shits crazy over there. People will be out walking their dogs and either government dog killers or (I shit you not) vigilante dog murderers will simply club the dog in the head and continue on their way. Thus leaving the poor owner with a dead dog on a leash.

Now I do not post this out of some sick enjoyment at this dog cull. I have a dog, I love my dog and would willingly sacrifice most people to save it. There is an article here that gives a little more information. Save the dogs for fucks sake!

POOP, STEAK AND CHEESE

2006-08-08T10:12:00.000-04:00

AOL recently got into a little trouble when they released the search history of some of their members (link). I would agree that most people do not want all their internet searches released to the public but one of these is incredible. The users are anonymous and only identified by numbers but whoever this person is is simply amazing.

Take this search history, for "user 17556639":

17556639 how to kill your wife
17556639 how to kill your wife
17556639 wife killer
17556639 how to kill a wife
17556639 poop
17556639 dead people
17556639 pictures of dead people
17556639 killed people
17556639 dead pictures
17556639 dead pictures
17556639 dead pictures
17556639 murder photo
17556639 steak and cheese
17556639 photo of death
17556639 photo of death
17556639 death
17556639 dead people photos
17556639 photo of dead people
17556639 www.murderdpeople.com
17556639 decapatated photos
17556639 decapatated photos
17556639 car crashes3
17556639 car crashes3
17556639 car crash photo

My favorite searches are 'poop' and 'steak and cheese', the others all follow a recurring theme but these two really stand out. We all know what poop is but ehat exactly is meant by steak and cheese? And why did it fall right between all the stuff about death and dead people, did that make him hungry? Hungry for steak and cheese? Anywho I believe that AOL should do the public a favor and release the name of this user, before he kills his wife or poops on your steak and cheese.

PERVERSION FOR PROFIT

2006-08-04T10:24:00.000-04:00

Please click here for the link to a 1965 anti-pornagraphy film. Its a little bit on the long side but really odd and amusing. It seems during the mid-60's porn was everywhere and it was only a matter of time before all women were lesbians and men were either tricked into being homosexuals or depraved rapists. Oh, also there was a lot of bestality, apparently all the naughty leather garments people were wearing meant they (or the viewer of?) wanted to have sex with animals. And nudist colonies were cultists, which I sort of agree with. The film shows some examples of 60's porn from magazines which I have to say was quite tame, but still dangerous obviously.

Some choice quotes from the film

"It's been stated that very few blind people join nudist colonies"

"Look at this example with overtones of bestality and lesbian implications"

"See the tender age at which homosexuals prefer their conquest"

"And here again an appeal to the sodomites, with a play upon the buttocks"

This was only part one, part two I am sure is even better.

THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD

2006-08-03T17:24:00.000-04:00

This is a great story and by great I mean absolutley wrong and disturbing. Here is the opening paragraph of the story title "Ohio Man Claims Right To Have Sex With Boys"

A suburban Cleveland man accused of sexually assaulting nine disabled boys told a judge Wednesday that his apartment was a religious sanctuary where smoking marijuana and having sex with children are sacred rituals protected by civil rights laws.

The admitted pedophile offered a surprising defense Wednesday to 74 charges of rape, drugs and pandering obscenity to minors.

That is a fantastic understatement.

He told the judge, "I'm a pedophile. I've been a pedophile for 20 years. The only reason I'm charged with rape is that no one believes a child can consent to sex. The role of my ministry is to get these cases out of the courtrooms."

Distasio, a self-professed pagan friar, is representing himself on 74 charges. He said he's the leader of a church called Arcadian Fields Ministries, and that some of his congregants are among the victims in his case.

The role of his ministry is basically to have sex with children, I bet my idea of having a religion based on beer doesn't sound so bad now does it? "Not all pedophilia is bad, and sex [with boys] can be healthy," Distasio told the court.

Wow.

A DAY AT THE BEACH

2006-08-02T17:26:00.000-04:00

We happen to be in the middle of a ridiculous heat wave where everyday day the heat index is 115 and old people are dropping like flys. So today I hit the beach.

The ocean is very clean this year and as got into the water I looked down I noticed a large school of fish swimming by my legs. They were yellow with black stripes and I have no idea what they were. One particular fish broke off from the school and just swam around my legs. It did this for about 15 minutes, around and around; I even moved a few feet this way or that and it followed. Another fish showed up and they chased eachother circling me the whole time. I decided to swim in about ten feet and a minute later the fish followed, playing their game.

This made me really happy for some reason, the water in Jersey is rarely this clear and there was a time when you were as likely to see syringes as fish floating by. Its a simple silly thing granted, but it did bring some enjoyment to me. As somebody once said somewhere, its the little things in life. So finally I decided to get out, pretty happy about this little event. Then I wished someone was with me to see this, and that thought made me sad. I am so fucking emo sometimes.

As I got out I mentioned the fish to a few kids in the surf and they ventured a little further out to investigate, I could hear their yells as they found them and most likely proceeded to try to kill them with footballs or something. I turned around to look and noticed a woman on a boogie board riding a wave in. As she rode the wave her boobs burst out of her top. Lying in the surf she got up, still not noticing her breasts hanging out of her bikini top. She dove back into the water still oblivious of her situation.

This got rid of my sadness and made me happy.

CRUCIFYING CHRIST WASN'T ENOUGH?

2006-07-29T12:53:00.000-04:00

Go here to read the whole article, its fantastic.

This is the lead paragraph from the New York Daily News:

"A blitzed Mel Gibson launched into an obscenity-laced tirade when he was busted on suspicion of drunken driving early yesterday, threatening an officer and making anti-Semitic and sexually abusive remarks, according to a police report."

It gets even better here are some quotes from Gibson during the encounter:

"F-----g Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world," Mee's report quotes him as saying.

"Are you a Jew?" Gibson asked the deputy, according to the report.

The actor also berated the deputy, threatening, "You motherf----r. I'm going to f--- you," according to Mee's report.

This is the best part of all though, once again from the Daily News story:

TMZ quoted a law enforcement source as saying Gibson noticed a female sergeant on the scene and yelled at her, "What do you think you're looking at, sugar t--s?"

Sugar tits? Thats fucking gold!

This just proves that Mel Gisbon is in the words of one Samuel Leroy Jackson a 'big bad motherfucker'.

Gibson a devout Catholic who I am sure if he were sober would remind us a few words spoken by a wise figure so many years ago:

"Let you, who is without sugar tits, cast the first stone".

UGLY WOMEN & THE FOOD SUCKS

2006-07-25T19:01:00.000-04:00

Thats what my uncle said who has traveled to Hungary. Here is Miss Hungary 2006, no doubt she would fall for an educated, relatively poor, only moderately unattractive American.

I bet she has an awesome accent.

?

2006-07-24T06:20:00.000-04:00

Yeah so I sort of have to make a decision on what I am going to do with my life. I have a few options and should probably have already made a decision. The easier and perhaps safer option is to stay, the other option is to go teach in Europe and give up my car, my apartment, friends, family, and basically leave everything I know.

I am 25 years old and can only ready feel the icy hand of maturity choking my will. If I take this job in Europe I will be almost 27 when I return back to the states, 27 fucking years old! And of course if I stay I would probabky have some shitty job and like it about as much as I liked my other real job. Either way I am getting old and will have to start actually being some sort of adult, because I really don't feel like one now.

I have presented myself with a challenge, no matter what I do. I am dragging my feet, keeping my options open and will let you know when I decide. Either way the summer is going to end with a fucking ridiculous party, either celebrating my going or my staying.

MORE PICS OF THE GREAT WHITE NORTH

2006-07-20T07:08:00.000-04:00

This will conclude my photo essay of my trip. These pictures are not in any particular order and probably of no interest to most people but I don't give a shit. So enjoy.

BATSHIT FUCKING INSANITY: A RANT

2006-07-19T08:09:00.000-04:00

Later I'll post more pictures of my trip to Canada, I know you're all excited. But right now I just want to make a comment on the current political fuck storm that is our federal government.

In the House of Representatives yesterday a bill banning gay marriage failed to gain enough votes to pass, barely. This quote really jumped out at me while reading the paper this morning, according to the NY Times "Georgia Republican, Representative Phil Gingrey, said support for traditional marriage “is perhaps the best message we can give to the Middle East and all the trouble they’re having over there right now.”(link). What the fuck does that even fucking mean? They are fucking killing the shit out of each other over there and have for 40 years and do not give a flying fucking shit if you or I have two mommies or two daddies. How is this man an elected official? Who voted for him? Fuck Fuck Fuck, shit!

Some other choice quotes from goober politicans about banning gay marriage (link)

"Marriage is not about love," volunteered Rep. Todd Akin (R-Mo.), who noted his 31 years of matrimony. "It's about a love that can bear children."

"The world did not start with Adam and Steve," Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Tex.) told reporters.

Rep. Mike Pence (R-Ind.) agreed that "it wasn't our idea, it was God's."

In other politcal news the Senate passed a bill that would expand Federal stem cell research and development. This is one of the few issues I give a shit about that may actually have some apparent effect on my life. President Bush has promised to veto this bill which would be his first veto in almost six years. Bush is against extensive stem cell research because he claims they destroy human life and are therefore immoral and unethical. This is an admirable stance or would be if Mr. Bush was not responsible for signing hundreds of execution orders while governor of Texas, establishing a policy of pre-emptive warfare as president and being indirectly responsible for the torture and death of thousands throughtout Iraq and Afghanistan. He is a Christian that believes in the sanctity of human life? Goddammit I am not even sure I have enough brain power to process this. I need to go break things and yell, or at least stop reading the newspaper.

Motherfucker.

MY CANADIAN HOLIDAY: PART ONE

2006-07-17T22:24:00.000-04:00

FIND THE UNINTENTIONAL HILARITY ...the winner gets a puppy

2006-07-12T18:18:00.000-04:00

WHY I LOVE SOCCER (and will every four years)

2006-07-10T15:12:00.000-04:00

Like most kids, at least in New Jersey, I played a lot of soccer growing up. As I got older, like most kids, I stopped playing soccer and moved onto other sports and activities. Soccer is, and can be confusing, boring, tedious, and lacks the immediate and repeated gratification that most American sports offer.

Soccer is embraced as the world's sport, assuming that world does not include America. The fervor and passion that surrounds soccer globally is not matched in any American sport; go to an English pub in a Germany jersey during an England v. Germany match if you do not believe me. A Yankee fan in Boston or a Cowboy fan in Philadelphia will have a much easier time I can assure you.

This year for the first time I really got into the World Cup. This was fairly easy as I have lots of free time and the games were on every morning and early afternoon. I watched a ton of socer and for the first time began to appreciate the so-called 'beautiful game'. It is a game of imense patience, strategy, skill, and occasional brutal violence. A fundamentally basic game that is at its greatest when simplicty matches talent and a pass is turned into a seemingly impossible shot and goal. The goals are few and far between but almost all are showcases of this idea.

I most likely will not watch very soccer until the World Cup resumes four years from now. I will safely ignore it and be absolutlely fine without it, as most Americans always are. Soccer has the personalities of all great sports, the dynamic players, the quirkly rules, the game play, and the quick transition from the mundane to excitment. Any sport that involves headbutting your opponent in the chest is a sport that should be admired and respected, even if it is only once every four years.

DRINKING, DEATH, & INDEPENDENCE DAY

2006-07-05T07:15:00.000-04:00

For the 4th of July I went to Frank's and we drank on the roof. The plan was to go up there and gain a prime vantage point for watching fireworks. The night was overcast with occassional rain, no fireworks were see but only heard in the distance. The roof was not the easiest roof to climb unto especially when carrying a case of beer.

Although celebrating a national holiday the mood on the roof was somber but light. This can only be the situation with three guys drinking on a roof who have no idea how they are going to get down and what they are going to land on when they do. The conversation ranged from how to deal with cancer, fun ex-girlfriends stories, our generation, and people getting run over by buses on the parkway. Even our last words were discussed (if we had a choice) and it was unanimous that witty and irreverant was the way to go.

The rain got heavier, the noise in the distance dropped off and we somehow got off the roof. No one died.

Narcissistic-Aggressive (NA) with some tendency to submissiveness.

2006-07-04T19:41:00.000-04:00

Thats my personality type according to the personality test you can take here.

Below are some characteristics of my apparent personality. I wonder how accurate they are. I will let someone else be the judge.

...He would synergistically combine the mottos, "I am the most glorious" and "I am the most powerful". The synergistic drives for both power and glory must produce an extroverted, hyperactive individual. Given the pride invested in "I am beautiful" and "I am powerful," one would expect this individual to be domineering, sometimes with an almost megalomanic drive for ambition, in power, glory and sexual domination.

This individual lacks concerted perfectionist qualities, hence his search for power and glory is likely to be superficial, spasmodic and lacking in direction.This individual when frustrated can be incited to a narcissistic rage, an aggressive-vindictive rage, or a combined narcissistic-aggressive rage (NA rage). Finally, as in all character types, he is liable, when frustrated to a point of relative hopelessness, to enter an abject state of depression...

SO I GOT OFFERED A JOB...

2006-06-27T09:41:00.000-04:00

In Budapest, Hungary teaching English in a highschool. I have no idea what I am going to do. On the one hand this may be the only chance I would have to live and work abroad; and its in Europe, within a few hours of the coolest cities in the world like Venice, Vienna, and Prague. On the other hand I would be seperated from all my friends and family for at least a year in a foreign city where I do not speak the language and no where near a beach.

I have to decide in the next week.

THE FIRST QUESTION ADAM ASKED EVE

2006-06-17T18:07:00.000-04:00

Recently I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and she informed me that she was on her way to a "sex toy" party. Now this is not the first time I have heard of such an event, if you don't know (how could you not?) its where females get together and someone tries to sell them various sex toys, lubes, lotions, and god knows what else. And of course hilarity ensues, and unlike the Yorkie, NO BOYS ALLOWED!

As having never attended one of these parties I will try to sum up as best I can what may or may not occur. The saleswoman demonstrates the merits of the various products and what exactly they are suppossed to do. ("stick this one in your ass, you'll love it"). Then a lot of laughing and giggling occurs and some products are purchased. As far as I know, these parties usually don't go as they are depicted on HBO after 10 pm.

Now I am pretty sure most girls attend these parties for the amusment and ridiculousness factor of them. Much in the same way guys attend bachelor parties, to laugh and have a good time. Speaking for myself, I don't want to have sex with a stripper, and despite evidence to the contrary most of them live through the night. The one question I would like answered is this: how many girls actually own and or use these products?

I realize this may sound like a sort of perverted (if you are a guy: hot) intellectual pursuit, but I am really curious about this. Guys in general are much willing to discuss these things, even when no one wants to know about it. I have known some girls to actually discuss their use and even their names for such "friends", Ok, one girl actually (if you don't know that story, sit down my friend and get comfortable).

I have a feeling the number is actually quite high, but I have no way of verifying this. I think it is more common than not. Most girls I am pretty sure own them, and probably most of them get them through parties like discussed above and as gag gifts. How many use them? How many use them a lot? And a better question is how many use them and then accidently upload it to Youtube?

WHY NOT TURKMENISTAN...

2006-06-17T10:04:00.000-04:00

So what the hell am I going to do? And following along in the that same vein is where am I going to to do it?

Lately, or to be more accurate...well lets just say for awhile I have seriously considered just going away somewhere; just doing something else in some foreign country where I don't know anyone and have never been before. Why would I want to go do this exactly? It has nothing to do with politics, it has nothing to do with people or any particular person, I love my friends, I love my family, I love the Jersey shore and all the rest. I think I should go away simply because it seems like a good idea and its something that is unexpected and perhaps a little frightening.

So what could I do? I could teach English in Hungary or Japan, build houses in Thailand, work for the Peace Corps in Morocco...and hundreds of other jobs in hundreds of other places. Yes I would miss a lot of people, yes it would simply not be holiday to an exotic foreign locale. It could be hard and/or horrible and be the worst idea I ever had (that may be a hard record to get) but still its seems to make sense in some weird way.

Maybe I won't go, in fact most likely I won't go, but one never knows. And there is only really one really pressing question that needs to be answered: why the hell not?

Oh and I want to grow a beard, which has recieved even more of a negative reaction then my decision to wander the earth.

FOLLOW UP...

2006-06-14T16:21:00.000-04:00

He Man is gay!!! and here is proof. Thanks Steph!

TOP SECRET: OPERATION GROLAR BEAR II

2006-06-10T08:59:00.000-04:00

I wonder if any of you have ever seen that Seinfeld episode where George decides to do the exact oppossite of what he thinks he should do? As a result of not following his own reasoning and advice his life quickly improves and all the decisions he counter-intuitively make, turn out to be the correct ones.

As Seinfeld provides many cogent and useful lessons for life I may have to adopt this strategy for my own confused, absurd existence. I have always tried to be a creature of reason over faith, logic over superstition, at sometimes more successfully than others. However (although many would disagree with my characterization of myself as rational or logical) this has gotten me exactly nowhere.

In perhaps every aspect of my life I have made decision after decision that while at times provided an amusing story or three has led to disasterous results. My various awful decisions have had an adverse consequence finanically, socially, and pyschologically. Enough I say, I am declaring war on intelligence, on critical thinking, a jihad on analysis is now launched! (The use of that word alone should put me on some type of government list no doubt.)

It is time for a complete new strategy in my continuing existential war on my inconsequential existence. Freedom is officially on the motherfucking march.

PARTIES & FUN WITH GOOGLE IMAGES

2006-06-04T13:37:00.000-04:00

So this past Saturday I attended a costume party, or more specifically a "super-hero" themed costume party. I racked my brain for costume ideas, one after the other they were considered and eliminated. Batman, Superman, Captain America? No, finally I decided there was only one super hero I could be, Lance Armstrong. Well why Lance you may ask. I happened to come upon some ridiculously tight black shorts (not mine) and after that all it required was a trip to Sports Authority and the purchase of a bike helmet and a tight yellow jersey. I don't have any pictures of the outfit but it was similar to the picture to your right.

The only major difference was that the shorts I wore were shorter, tighter and very uncomfortable. While at the party I would sometimes forget what I was wearing and then suddenly look down and remember. My reaction was usually "holy crap I look gay". And besides Darren complimentiing me on my package I recieved very few comments besides the obvious "aren't you Lance Armstrong?".

Matt attended the party as himself, but I think he wore a green lantern tee shirt or so he claimed because I dont really know anything about Green Lantern.

Frank attended as a banana much like one of those to your left. He justiified the attire by donning a red cape and mask. While trying on the red mask at Party Fair he asked me an important question: "does this make me look like an asshole?". I assured him that it did not.

Darren was Pontius Pirate, a whimsical combination of the executioner of Christ and rum swilling buccaneer. Once again I am not sure how this qualifies as a super hero but we can all agree its was pretty fucking sweet.

The party was a good time, my only real regret is not getting any actual pictures of the costumes.

MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND: A RECAP

2006-05-30T19:06:00.000-04:00

Yeah no one cares but here it is anyway:

Friday: NYC and art in the morning and afternoon, all fun things followed by live music in Asbury, or something like that, rather an anti-climatic end to the day.

Saturday: Pearl Jam in Camden; lots of drinking in a parking lot, fat girls yelling, thousands of dudes with shitty tattoos and some interesting discussion about what you would expect a bunch of drunk guys to talk about. Also a very important question: If you were forced to play in a major league baseball game, which position would you play? I said first base, Frank said catcher, a fun debate commences..

Pearl Jam was awesome, it didn't rain and we clapped our asses off. Diner in Philly after the show, James orders meatloaf, Frank orders a tuna melt. Hey guys wtf? (on last report the tuna melt is still in Frank's car baking nicely) We almost die on 195 on the way home at 3 AM due to extreme exhaustion and sleepiness, but between Frank and I we muddle through.

Sunday: Steve's 25th birthday celebration starts off with a whole lot of Southern Comfort followed by packing way too many people in a Saturn Ion and driving to Red Bank. A decent celebration at the Dublin House ensues with many car bombs, shots, beers and thinly veiled insults.

The highlight of the night was without a doubt drunk Frank yelling belligerent things at Steve, yelling in general, talking while eggs fall out his mouth and spilling water all over the table., hilarity ensues. Everyone manages to make it home without dying or getting arrested. In the end no punches thrown, no vomit spewed, no confessions of love or hate, everybody wins.

Monday: Frank wakes up as casa de Moylan still too drunk to drive, which is pretty fucking cool. Eventually its time for hockey in the blistering 92 degree weather. This is easily the most hideous moment of the weekend as my will to live is severely sapped. Like warriors we manage to play hockey for three hours while losing about 10 pounds of sweat each.

The weekend finally ends, exhausting and better then it probably sounds. All in all a full weekend, albeit four days; a little culture, a little music, some sports and of course drinking, good times indeed.

CREEPIEST THING YOU WILL EVER SEE

2006-05-20T19:22:00.000-04:00

Please click here to see something that is both educational and absolutley inappropriate for anyone to actually watch. From what I can gather this was made sometime in the 1960's I think and was apparently created to educate girls who were maturing.

I am not sure why a retard was used in it, that seemed rather unneccesary but just view it for yourself. Its a little long but well worth it just for how uncomfortable it will make you. And thanks to Shannon for bringing this beautiful clip to my attention, enjoy.

TEMPTING BUT NO

2006-05-15T17:37:00.000-04:00

Frank sent this to me, basically to bait me into killing myself. Its pretty funny, now I will share with all. Its a little long but worth it in my opinion. Click on the title below for the link. I think we can all agress however one decides to kill themselves two things are neccessary. One you must be nude and two, your family must be greatly ashamed at your method of termination.

Cool Ways to Kill Yourself

Life Got You Down?

If you've been a little depressed lately and have contemplated partaking in the bliss of death, here are a couple of cool ways to kill yourself. Even if you don't use these exclusive royalty-free methods, remember to do it as creatively as possible. Don't be boring and just take sleeping pills --- go out with style and flare.

All these methods require some planning but don't let that dissuade you. Your life must be pretty pathetic if you're killing yourself. Why not leave a legacy?

Jumping

Here are a couple of great ways to kill your self by jumping off a tall building or cliff or basically anything really high. The thing about these is that they generally work best if you can get a big crowd watching before you jump. Don't do it when there is no one around. There's just no bloody point in that.

Explosives Strapped to Your Body

1. Get a LOT of explosives. The more the better.
2. Hook up a detonator to an altimeter. Set it for 100-200 feet. That will give you good dispersion.
3. Mix vaseline and gasoline in a bucket.
4. Find a really tall building. Something like the World Trade Center (not anymore, but you get the idea) is perfect and is in a sufficiently crowded area to generate the proper sized crowd.
5. Get an extra large trench coat, ski mask, duct tape and a lighter.
6. Bring your materials to the top of your building. Liberally apply the vaseline-gasoline mixture to your entire body. Duct tape the explosives around your legs, arms, head and torso. The more you use the better. You cannot overdo this. Attach the altimeter to the explosives.
7. Put on the trench coat and mask so that the explosives are not visible.
8. Start ranting and throwing things so that you are sure to attract notice. Drag this part out as long as possible. Say anything that comes to mind but try to stay away from real problems. Your love life DOES NOT make for a good sound bite. Ask for news cameras from the major networks. Pace around a lot while waving your arms.
9. DO NOT let on that you have explosives on your body. The police will clear the area and you definitely don't want that.
10. When you've gotten the crowd to a fevered pitch, when the helicopters are hovering like vultures, whip off the jacket and set yourself on fire.
11. Wait until you are completely engulfed in flame then jump.
12. Try to steer yourself towards the crowd. That way flaming falling body parts will pelt the fleeing onlookers when you explode.
13. Congratulations! You've just made history.

Drown in Your Own Urine

Get a huge vat or possibly an above ground pool. Save all your urine. Drown yourself in it. Put a note on the side of the pool saying, "MY URINE."

This method would work for any body fluid: vomit, snot, dooty. For you despondent guys out there: A vat of your own sperm would be truly impressive. You will have to get some viagra and work frantically for years, but what else have you got to do?
Pop into alt.binaries.erotica.bestiality, get the vibrator out and get crackin'. Remember, do something really weird and original, something that will tell them you are/were special.

Chop Your Own Head Off While Standing Next to a Major World Leader

1. Ingratiate yourself with your chosen mark. Get his/her/its confidence. Become a trusted member of the inner circle.
2. Sew a hand ax into a coat or jacket so that it is easily removable but not particularly visible.
3. Make a statement. Video tape is preferable because the TV news shows love visuals. The more visual material they have the better. The next best thing would be audio tape. It won't hold an audience as well but at least it can be played under the video of your death. Never write a letter. No one reads anymore. No one will care. Make sure your message will be easily found on your corpse.
4. On the day of a major rally, with hundreds or thousands of attendees and lots of television cameras, wear the coat with the hand ax attached.
5. Send backup copies of your message to as many news outlets as you can on the appointed day.
6. Stand in the background as you remove the ax from the coat. When you are finished move slowly toward your dignitary.
7. As the event reaches its climax, whip out the ax and lop off your own head. If possible try to run around like a chicken. Make sure to get as much blood on the famous person as possible. Aim well. That will be the image that gets the news coverage and the sour faces from Cathy Lee Gifford.
8. Bask in your glorious death. You've made the supreme sacrifice to save the world and have ended the torment that was your existence.

End the Holiday Madness

Anyone with half a brain hates the Thanksgiving to Christmas season. There is too much family. Too many happy annoying people demanding things from you. Too much forced joy specials on television. And WAY too many repetitions of songs you've been listening to since childhood. Anything Cathy Lee Gifford espouses must, by definition, be evil.

The only way to escape this recurring nightmare is to:

1. If you have any investments, convert them to money. Take all your money and loose it playing online poker. This is especially important if you are well off. Don't tell family members and other greedy people that would profit from your demise. After you die, they will go crazy trying to find the missing money.
2. Stick your head in the turkey just after it comes out of the oven preferably during the Christmas DayTM family gathering but a Thanksgiving DayTM end may also serve your purposes. Your timing really depends on your own peculiar circumstances.
3. Run around banging into family members all the while flailing your arms. You can never go wrong flailing your arms when trying to kill your self. The more flailing the better.
4. Go into a room that can be easily locked so you won't be accidently saved by well meaning but inconsiderate friends or family members.
[Alternatively you can just flee the house and run through the streets aimlessly until you pass out. NO ONE in a large city will ever go near someone with a steaming turkey on his head. If you live in a wooded or rural area the best thing to do would be to run off into the wilderness so your body can be found with all sorts of gnaw marks on it from the multitude of animals that will flock to your decaying carcass (and the turkey's too).]
5. An interesting footnote to this holiday might be to swallow a large number of Christmas ornaments (lights, small Santa dolls, actual fruit cake) before you follow your bliss. Give your family and friends (if you have either) something to discuss the following year.

HE-MAN...GAY? SAY IT AIN'T SO!

2006-05-11T15:29:00.000-04:00

Growing up I was an avid He-Man fan and thoroughly enjoyed watching him destroy evil and save the day while battling the maniacal Skeletor. After watching He-Man again after many years and also reading this article here, I have to ask myself this question: Is He-Man gay?

The evidence is very compelling, He-Man is in good shape, well groomed and spends most of his time (when not crushing skulls) petting his large fluffy kitty cat. The amount of phallic symbols in the show being thrust by and at He-Man is almost too numerous to count. Certainly his choice of outfits is suspicious, I mean furry speedos, Ugg boots and tight fitting pink V-neck blouses (and they are blouses, not shirts)? His hair cut is precious as well. And to top it all off his friends are named Fisto and Ram-Man for chrissakes!

So is He-Man gay? It appears the answer is yes. And yet that ultimately changes nothing. Still he remains my hero, and should serve as a role model for children all over the World. He-Man is a figure we all should aspire to be like; he works out, takes care of his pets, and destroys evil. He-Man is not only a power-top, he is also a true American.

CINCO DE MAYO & RANDOM THOUGHTS

2006-05-06T13:23:00.000-04:00

Good times had by all. Nothing beats hanging out with a bunch of friends and calling them out on shit that they did years ago that you make fun of them about behind their back about. Or calling them out on crap they did that really pissed you off but you chose not to bring it up so as not to cause a scene but now you do not care.

And of course the reverse is true, hearing about stupid shit you have said or done that you never realized was an issue.

As always girls are always part of the conversation, especially when there aren't around. A little honesty about ex-girlfriends, perhaps current girlfriends, and of course girls that are just friends is always appreciated.

Throwing your friends under the bus (in the metaphorical sense) is endlessly amusing, and ending up under aforesaid bus yourself is obligatory and accepted.

On another note, the smoking ban is the greatest single thing ever to happen in a long time. The smokers are outside, the bar is less crowded and you don't have to burn your clothes when you get home.

Its almost beach time, and thats fucking great.

I HEART THE BIBLE

2006-04-27T15:23:00.000-04:00

Please go here and you will too.

IT HAS BEGUN...

2006-04-25T17:16:00.000-04:00

Police hunt killer chimps

FREETOWN (Reuters) - Armed Sierra Leonean police are hunting up to 20 chimpanzees which killed a local taxi driver and injured three American visitors after they broke out of a wildlife sanctuary, officials said on Tuesday.

Local villagers were keeping their children at home. "We're not letting our children walk on the forest road because these chimpanzees could get hold of them and kill them," Regent Town village elder, Jonathan Harding, told Reuters "Accidents can happen, you can't guarantee that they won't where wild animals are involved," he said...

..."You can go into the Maasai Mara (Kenya's most famous game reserve) and be killed by a leopard," he added...

The above are some excepts from an article that at least to me makes clear who are biggest enemy is: monkeys. We must declare war on monkeys and be victorious. Just like we have declared war on terror, obesity, illiteracy, poverty, and drugs and can without argument state we have been entirely successful in eradicating those evils from America.

The monkeys, or chimps (I am not sure if there is a difference) may have alreaady allied with the leopards. If an axis of evil is enacted between leopards, monkeys, and bi-corns (like a unicorn, but with two horns) our days are numbered people.

DRAMA RAMA TOP TEN

2006-04-15T09:57:00.000-04:00

Drama always seems to be inherent in every situation. Why is this? I don't know. Why does or do things happening in my life lately involve the following:

(1) girls crying
(2) ambiguous text messages at all hours of the night
(3) people discussing things about other people but never with the people directly involved
(4) yelling/screaming and the compulsory punching of walls/doors/hard things leading to bloody knuckles, swollen hands and abated rage
(5) the careful and critical analysis of innoucous phrases and glances for deep hidden meaning that does not exist
(6) emails that while silly in their tone are devestating in their impact
(7) feinged enthusiasm and humor where none exists
(8) undirectecd anger at friends for reasons that are unclear (or are they?)
(9) a sense of impending doom and no fear of it
(10) pandas

JUST FOR FUN...PICTURES OF PANDAS

2006-04-14T20:49:00.000-04:00

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

2006-04-12T16:52:00.000-04:00

Yeah so I don't think I'm going to teach anymore, I was not the must enthusiastic teacher ever and I am sure I will not be missed greatly. My students really like me, many of them loved me and think I am a great teacher, which is nice to know and I do appreciate that. I have been told I am a natural in the classroom and that I really know what I am doing. Whatever. However, while I will miss many of the students, some of them really are great, I do not think I'll miss teaching.

Teaching really is the hardest job one can ever do, of that I am convinced. Its not the work thats making me leave, hard work doesn't scare me, I have worked my whole life. What I am really turned off by is the belief that I have (and had in high school) is that it is really fucking pointless. What I mean is that what I am doing is pointless, an exercise in futility and exasperation. I got nothing out of high school, absolutely nothing. Things have not changed much since I graduated, and high school is still an arena of fucking drama, nonsense, and stupidity.

But thats not even the reason for what I am doing; there happen to be several. I went into teaching with the idea that I would avoid the nightmare scenario of work ala Office Space. That didn't happen, an endless amount of meaningless paperwork and bureacracy awaits me everyday along with endless meetings, training sessions, and the like. A constant barrage of administrators, supervisors, mentors, secretaries, and of course parents play their part in adding to my work load. I see teachers everyday who are lazy, bitter, and merely going through the motions; people who have given up on life and given up on their students. Fuck that, I don't want to be that.

In the end though its all very simple, I am not happy doing this, it provides me no satisfaction and no peace. I feel like I am wasting my time and everyone else's as well.

Some will say this a crazy thing to do, people would jump at the chance I have to have a career and make a difference and all the rest. They may have a point, but I am not convinced and this is not a quick decision by any means.

The arguments against:

Its a job.

You make good money.

No one likes their job all the time.

You have summers off.

What else are you gonna do?

I don't know what I am going to do, I don't know how I m going to make as much money as I do now and maintain a decent standard of living, I don't know if I can find employment that seems meaningful and provides any degree of happiness. I am done teaching June 21st and then we shall see. I would rather give some young idealistic rookie teacher a chance to make a difference and be a pillar of the community. Perhaps I was just too cynical for this job, perhaps I was too angry or jaded, or perhaps, just perhaps I am being realistic and making the first logical decision I have made in about two years.

TOP TEN

2006-04-10T09:57:00.000-04:00

Top ten lists are fun, everybody knows that. Here in no particular order are my top ten movies. Feel free to suggest any others. I am sure I could think of many others that would make the list, I could probably do a top 25 but even I don't have that kind of time.

1. Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Funniest movie hands down, if you have never seen it, see it. You may not understand it at first but this is an amazing movie.

2. Gladiator: Not exactly a great movie per se, but always enjoyable and one of the few recent "sword and sandal" epics to actually deliver. Not exactly accurate historically but excellent nonetheless.

3. Godfather (I & II): Not much needs to be said, if you have not seen it, why the hell not? One of the few movies that was better then the book, in fact much better, and lets just forget they made Godfather III.

4. Seven: Awesome movie, scared the shit out of me the first time I saw it.

5. American Pyscho: This movie is fucking hilarious and is greatly underappreciated in my opinion.

6. Patton: One of the best war movies that was considered an anti-war statement as well as being Richard Nixon's favorite. Geroge C Scott is an awesome Patton and is perfect in this role.

7. Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie: MST3K may perhaps be the greatest show ever, if you haven't seen it and don't like it we probably would not get along very well.

8. Airplane: Who hasn't seen this movie?

9. Pulp Fiction: Violence, sodomy, drug use, afros, greatness.

10. Empire Strikes Back: Everyone knows its the best one.

JERRY FALWELL AKA "COOLEST MAN EVER"

2006-04-06T14:52:00.000-04:00

The following are some quotes from Christian Evangelist Jerry Falwell. I am not on an anti-christian crusade but to go crazy when an Islamic fundamentalist in the middle east says something and ignore the christian fundamentalists in our nation is the height of hypocrisy. Jerry Falwell is not only heavily influential politically and socially but educationally as well with his own university, Liberty University. Here they can crank at thousands of nutters with accreditated degrees...fantastic. Republican John McCain will be traveling to Liberty to give commencement in a few weeks as part of his out reach to the Christian Right. Well Mr. McCain, you just lost my vote.

If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being.

I had a student ask me, "Could the savior you believe in save Osama bin Laden?" Of course, we know the blood of Jesus Christ can save him, and then he must be executed.

I put all the blame legally and morally on the actions of the terrorist, [but America's] secular and anti-Christian environment left us open to our Lord's [decision] not to protect. When a nation deserts God and expels God from the culture ... the result is not good.

I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!

AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.

The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country.

The Bible is the inerrant ... word of the living God. It is absolutely infallible,without error in all matters pertaining to faith and practice, as well as in areas such as geography, science, history, etc.

The Jews are returning to their land of unbelief. They are spiritually blind and desperately in need of their Messiah and Savior.

Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.

You'll be riding along in an automobile. You'll be the driver perhaps. You're a Christian. There'll be several people in the automobile with you, maybe someone who is not a Christian. When the trumpet sounds you and the other born-again believers in that automobile will be instantly caught away - you will disappear, leaving behind only your clothes and physical things that cannot inherit eternal life. That unsaved person or persons in the automobile will suddenly be startled to find the car suddenly somewhere crashes.... Other cars on the highway driven by believers will suddenly be out of control and stark pandemonium will occur on ... every highway in the world where Christians are caught away from the drivers wheel.

GOD IS A FAG

2006-03-29T15:33:00.000-05:00

This is is so fucking cool, recently there was a conference called "The War On Christians" that was attended by various politicans and public figures like Gary Bauer, Tom Delay and others. Panel discussions included things like "The Criminalization of Christianity," "Liberalism Kills Kids" and "Same-Sex Marriage: Putting Every Household at Risk.". I'll say it again, this is the coolest fucking thing ever, ever. Here is the Washington Post article.

Why was this conference neccessary anyway? Bill Fancher, a radio journalist attending the conference said "The media doesn't understand [conservative Christians'] inability to compromise on principles," he said, adding: "I don't apologize for being narrow-minded."

Ha, amazing. The organizer of the conference, Rick Scarborough introduced the key note speaker, disgraced asshole fuckwad Tom Delay by saying this "This is a man that I believe God has appointed," and later while defending Delay's numerous ethical and criminal problems said "God always does his best work right after a crucifixion." So Tom Delay is being compared to Christ? Okay this is just batshit completely off the reservation insane.

Tom Delay in his speech went on to say "Sides are being chosen, and the future of man hangs in the balance!" he warned. "The enemies of virtue may be on the march, but they have not won, and if we put our trust in Christ, they never will. . . . It is for us then to do as our heroes have always done and put our faith in the perfect redeeming love of Jesus Christ."

America must win this war on Christians, I mean against Christians. How can Christians defend themsleves when all they control is the Executive, Judicial, and Legislative branches of the government? Only 4/5 of the people in the nation consider themselves Christian, so that other 1/5 must be eliminated. Jesus will only be happy when the muslims, jew, atheists, hindus, buddhists, and the like are all burnt at the stake.

Crazy christians are the fucking best.

WE BE CLUBBIN'

2006-03-25T15:36:00.000-05:00

Sure clubbing baby seals sounds fun, but I mean look at them. Its like clubbing a puppy or an infant, once the initial adrenaline goes away you feel sort of bad.

Anyway in Canada the annual seal cul is going to start to where the crazy canucks will get their club on and go beserker on over 300,000 seals.

According to an article you can read in its entirety here many people are apparently not very happy about this whole clubbing baby seal thing.

Celebrity campaigner Brigitte Bardot also asked the Canadian government to halt the cull earlier this week.

"Canada is a rich country. It doesn't need to sell skin, oil, fat and powdered seal penises to make aphrodisiacs for countries in Asia... You cannot continue a genocide of animals like this," the 71-year-old actress said.

I think we can all agree with that sentiment.

DEMOCRACY MEANS BEHEADING CHRISTIANS

2006-03-25T07:53:00.000-05:00

I will try to articulate what I mean by that rather interesting title. Right now in Afghanistan a man may be very close to being beheading for converting to Christianity from Islam. Afganistan's constitution has Sharia, strict Islamic law, as its cornerstone and thus this conversion would be a crime pounishable by death. The intersting thing about this is that Afghanistan is suppossed to be our model for how to create a modern democratic state in a predominatly Islamic region. Beheading Christians does not seem very modern does it, or democratic? In fact its not even really medevial as throughout history Islamic government and empires have been relatively lenient against other people of the book (i.e. Jews and Christians) as compared to the other way around.

President Bush in his second inaugural address set out America's foreign policy of ending tyranny and prmoting democracy around the world. The Pentagon has also encapsulated this idea in its long term plans. However, this is not the case at all, we do not support democracy everywhere, especially in our allies. An example here about our lack of supporting the only burgenoing democratic force in Egypt illustrates our hypocrisy. The problem with democracy is that people get to make thier own decisions and many of them want strict fundametalist Islamic governments.

Another example is found here of America coddling an ally, in this case Pakastani president Mussharraf, who is in no way a supporter of democracy as he took power in a military coup. We do not support democracy everywhere and to say we do is to insult the intelligence of the American people. If America does suppport democracy then we support beheading Christians and maybe stoning sodomites as well. As Donald Rumsfield says, in democracy "stuff happens". If America will protest the jailing of dissenters in Belarus then it must do it everywhere. To me that smacks of racism to support "white" Europeam democratic activists and then ignore "islamic" democratic activists in the Middle East and Southeast Asia.

I do not support the beheading of anyone and I do not believe that people of the Middle East aren't capable of democracy. But what I am against is hypocrisy and a facade of piety and goodness when in reality realpolitik still reigns and democracy serves as just another banner for George Bush to give a speech in front of. The Bush Administration has squelched democractic elements in Venezuela, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Egypt and others as well. Sometimes democracy means that people make bad choices, like executing people for being Christians or electing mediocre, hypocritical leaders.

DO IT FOR JESUS

2006-03-23T19:42:00.000-05:00

SCARY

2006-03-18T15:12:00.000-05:00

Link to the whole article here, I thought we were fighting and killing everyone on the middle east because they are crazy religious intolerant maniacs. We could have cut the commute and gone to Missouri. Lovely state by the way.

COLUMBIA, Mo. (AP) - A central Missouri high school drama teacher whose spring play was canceled after complaints about tawdry content in one of her previous productions will resign rather than face a possible firing.

"It became too much to not be able to speak my mind or defend my students without fear or retribution," said Fulton High School teacher Wendy DeVore.

DeVore's students were to perform Arthur Miller's "The Crucible," a drama set during the 17th Century Salem witch trials.

But after a handful of Callaway Christian Church members complained about scenes in the fall musical "Grease" that showed teens smoking, drinking and kissing, Superintendent Mark Enderle told DeVore to find a more family-friendly substitute.

DeVore chose Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream," a classic romantic comedy with its own dicey subject matter, including suicide, rape and losing one's virginity.

DeVore, 31, a six-year veteran teacher, said administrators told her that her annual contract might not be renewed.

"Maybe I need to find a school that's a better match," she said.

Both Enderle and the high school principal declined to discuss DeVore's resignation, citing privacy concerns. The resignation must still be approved by the school board.

Publicity over the drama debate, including a front-page story in The New York Times, has cast an unflattering light on Fulton as an intolerant small town, several of DeVore's colleagues said.

"We have become a laughingstock," teacher Paula Fessler told The Fulton Sun.

WHAT THE FUCK?

2006-03-18T07:34:00.000-05:00

So recently Tom Delay (R-Hades) had to step down as the majority leader in the House of Representatives because of numerous scandals involving lobbying, voter fraud, and just being a giant douchebag. So the GOP decided to elect a new majority leader, one who would cleanse the party of Delay's stench and bring a breath of reform and legality to the august body. And who did they choose? This suspiciously tan man to your right, John A. Boehner of Ohio. Here are some excerpts from a Washington Post article about Mr. Boehner (and no it is not pronounced like that-too bad)

The Center for Public Integrity said that Boehner accepted 42 privately sponsored trips from January 2000 to December 2005. That put him on the road to other countries and "golfing hotspots," often with his wife, Debbie, for about half a year, "only nine days of which he listed as being 'at personal expense,' " the center said.

Boehner also flew at least 45 times on corporate jets owned by companies "with a financial stake in congressional affairs" from June 2001 through September 2005, the center reported. The corporations on whose planes Boehner flew included tobacco companies such as R.J. Reynolds Tobacco (15 times), UST Inc. (seven times) and Swisher International Inc. (seven times)

This guy also oppossed making trips like this illegal when it was recently debated while crafting a recent ethics bill; I know, its all very shocking. So where did he take all these corporate flights to?

Among the places Boehner traveled on privately financed trips were Edinburgh, Scotland; Venice; Brussels; and Barcelona, the center said. Two of his domestic destinations, which the center pointed out are famous for their golf courses, were Boca Raton, Fla., and Scottsdale, Ariz.

Why the fuck does a congressmen from Ohio need to travel to Scotland, Venice, Brussels and Barcelona? Fuck, fuck, fuck, sorry I'm just a little perturbed by this.

Kevin A. Madden, a Boehner spokesman, defended the lawmaker's trips as legal, proper and educational.

There is a lot more in the article as well, it just gets worse. You may feel that this really isn't news, another headline screaming "Scumbag Congressmen is Beholden to Corporate Interests" (yawn). Perhaps you are right in this, or perhaps you don't give a rat's ass, but it still sucks.

PANDA-MONIUM IN 2008?!

2006-03-14T17:32:00.000-05:00

Okay lets go back in time, its election night 2004. George W. Bush is running for re-election but his opponent is not awkward, elitist poseur John Kerry but a lovable panda named Chippie.

Lets compare the two: Bush is a born again christian who avoided serving in Vietnam and loves Jesus so much that he executed hundreds of people as the govenor of Texas and once ridiculed a woman on death row. Chippie the panda climbs trees and eats leaves and is loved by children eveywhere.

Chippie loves to play and is soft and cuddly, George W. Bush has so far as president almost choked to death on a pretzel, fell off several bicycles and sat reading a children's book about goats as America suffered the worst terrorist act in it's history.

Of course 2004 is in the past and we progressives must look to the future. Why not run Chippie or another panda in 2008? A fucking raccoon would get more votes than Hillary Clinton.

SOMETIMES YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE

2006-03-11T11:50:00.000-05:00

Police: 'Flashing' Man Killed After Kicked Out Of Car
Driver Of Vehicle Sought In Man's Death

VOLUSIA COUNTY, Fla. -- A 42-year-old man was hit and killed on Interstate 4 Friday after he was kicked out of his friend's car for exposing his genitals to passing motorists and told to find his own way home, police told Local 6 News.

A passing motorist found the body of Kevin Steedly early Friday on the side of Interstate 4 near exit 107 at Dirksen in Volusia County.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers said Steedly was drinking inside a car with friends as they drove westbound on I-4 toward Steedly's Winter Park home.

Steedly's friends told police that they kicked him out of the car because he was pulling down his pants and exposing himself through the car windows.

"They got nervous and kicked him out and told him to find his own ride home," Local 6 reporter Samantha Knapp said.

FHP troopers believe Steedly began to walk on I-4 at about 3:40 a.m. and was hit by a car a short time later.

Minutes before Steedly's body was found, troopers were working an unrelated crash just a few feet away and did not notice the body in the grass until after 7 a.m.

Troopers are asking for any motorists with information about the incident to call the Florida Highway Patrol.

The vehicle that hit Steedly would have heavy damage, Local 6 News reported.

This is just really amazing, I don't really have any witty commentary to add to this. I like his hair though.

FUN WITH PICTURES

2006-03-10T16:27:00.000-05:00

Two pics from the FEMA handbook handed out to children in hurricane ravaged Mississippi.

ERIN GO BRAGH!...EXCEPT FOR THE GAYS AND THE ITALIANS

2006-03-07T18:14:00.000-05:00

I have no idea what the hell Erin Go Bragh means. But it has something to do with being Irish or at least Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I have already celebrated St. Patrick's day this past weekend and will mostly likley celebrate it the next two weekends as well. And why did this one day basically become such a big deal, what the hell is it all about? First off a little history.

St Patrick was not Irish, he was a Roman-Briton who was captured by Irish slave traders and forced to work as a slave in Ireland. Eventually he escaped, became a priest and returned to Ireland to convert the wild, mostly naked pagan Celtic tribes. St. Patrick used the shamrock, a wild weed that grows all over Ireland to illustrate the Holy Trinity. After this he apparently drove the snakes out of Ireland which made him very popular with the locals. Patrick eventually emerged as Ireland's patron saint a few hundred years later.

St. Patrick's Day as a traditional holiday actually was a phenomenom that arose out of Irish immigration to the New World. This day became a way for immigrants to celebrate their own background and culture and basically give a finger to those waspy protestant nativists. (the ones who have run our country for the last 250 years, besides JFK of course) The first St. Patrick's Day parades did not occur in Dublin or Belfast but in New York and Boston. So this is not an Irish holiday per se but an Irish-American holiday. Today In Ireland and around the world parades are held but that is basically an after the fact ocuurrence.

The Irish do not eat corn beef and cabbage and really never have. In Ireland cabbage of course was plentiful but corn beef was not. The Irish actually eat or would have eaten ham, bacon or some other pork product with or without cabbage. In most cases the traditional Irish peasant would forget about the meat completely and have a nice meal of potataoes, cabbage and maybe some bread...yum. Corn beef was once again a new world addition facilitated by Jewish delis located in cities like Boston and New York.

Millions of people around the world and the United States celebrate this day and most of them are not Irish. And thats all fine, of course mostly the Irish stereotype of alcoholism is reinforced as many drink green beer until they vomit in their white and green Dr. Seuss hats. But its a day to celebrate being Irish and listen to bagpipers do their thing and see fat women wear tight "Kiss Me I'm Irish" tee shirts. I am mostly Irish and I like being Irish, I have been to the home country, seen the green fields and can name the boat my great great grandfather came over to Ellis Island on. And I love St. Patrick's Day; every St. Patrick's Day I dutifully don my green, eat my corn beef and cabbage, drink my dark beer and pledge my undying loyalty to the Irish Republican Army, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

GOVERNMENT WORK

2006-03-04T07:25:00.000-05:00

Want to know where our tax money goes? Not to job programs or helping the less fortunate or Americorp or the Peacecorp or things like that, fuck that hippy liberal bullshit. Here is where our tax money goes. Thic nation has sixteen intelligent agencies that deal with either domestic or foreign matters. In these sixteen agencies are various autonomous offices that control their own intelliegence apparatuses. Some of these are under the huge boondoggle known as the Department of Homeland Security and some are apparently answerable to no one. Here is a partial list of some of them:

National Intelligence Council (NIC]
National Counterterrorism Center (NCTC)
National Counterintelligence Executive (NCIX)
Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)
National Security Agency (NSA)
National Reconnaissance Office (NRO)
National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency (formerly NIMA)
Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA)
Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Defense Information Systems Agency
Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency
Defense Protective Service
Defense Security Service
US Special Operations Command
Army Deputy Chief of Staff for Intelligence
Intelligence and Security Command
Office of Naval Intelligence
Naval Security Group Command
Naval Criminal Investigative Service
Air Force Technical Applications Center
Air Intelligence Agency
National Security Council
President's Foreign Intelligence Advisory Board
Office of National Drug Control Policy
Office of Intelligence
Justice Intelligence Coordinating Council
OIPR - Office of Intelligence Policy and Review
DEA - Drug Enforcement Administration
NDIC - National Drug Intelligence Center
USNCB - U.S. National Central Bureau
INR - Bureau of Intelligence & Research
INL - Bureau for International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs
CT - Counterterrorism Office
DS - Bureau of Diplomatic Security
Office of Intelligence Support
Office of the Under Secretary
FINCEN - Financial Crimes Enforcement
FLETC - Federal Law Enforcement Training Center
National Archives and Records Administration
Information Security Oversight Office

And how much does this all cost? Well thats a good question and it also happens to be classified. I did a little research and can tell you the budget for 1995, but thats not going to help. The best guess is somewhere in the billions, lets say 50 billion. Thats 50000000000 dollars a year. And thats only a small part of the overall Pentagon budget which is somewhere in the hundreds of billions. Fucking shit.

FUCKING LIBERAL MEDIA

2006-03-01T15:43:00.000-05:00

Yesterday ABC News reporter Elizabeth Vargas received the chance of a lifetime and got to interview the President of the United States one on one. Vargas was given a chance to ask some tough questions to one of the most divisive, controversial and secretive leaders in modern American history. Following are some excerpts from the interview:

VARGAS: How are the dogs?

BUSH: The dogs are comfortable.

VARGAS: As they always seem to be.

BUSH: Not only comfortable but quite independent.

VARGAS: Every time we've been here, we have chronicled some mischief that one or the other has been up to.

BUSH: They're handy in Washington. They don't talk back, they don't argue with you. They're good.

VARGAS: It's very pretty here Mr. President. Very nice.

BUSH: Yeah, it is nice.

VARGAS: Very, very nice.

VARGAS: Your desk is so clean Mr. President.

BUSH: Yeah, well, you know that is what happens when you have desk cleaners everywhere.

VARGAS: Do you spend a lot of time here?

BUSH: I do. This is where my main office. I've got an office here obviously, and I've got one upstairs in the White House on the second floor, right down from our bedroom. It's called the treaty room. I like to work here 'cause I like how open it feels.

BUSH: You know an interesting story about the rug? Laura designed the rug.

VARGAS: She did?

BUSH: Yeah, she did. Presidents are able to pick their own rugs…

VARGAS: Did you just change the rug, or did you change some of the furniture as well?

BUSH: Changed the rug, no, the rugs been here since I've been here. Or actually since she designed the rug and then it was woven.

VARGAS: So what happens when you're finished

BUSH: It goes in a warehouse.

VARGAS: It does?

BUSH: Yeah. (Laughs)

VARGAS: You're not going to take it home and put it in a family room or something?

VARGAS: I see your pictures of the girls back there. How are they?

BUSH: They're good. They're great. Thanks for asking.

VARGAS: You and your wife have done such a great job of protecting them and preserving their right to have personal, private lives…

BUSH: Well, actually that would be you. (Laughter) That would be you who's done a good job of helping me protect them. You and the media, and I thank you for that. I think the Clintons first started off very well by saying, 'Look, give Hillary, I mean Chelsea, some space.' And uh, and I respect and appreciate the media respecting our girls. They're good.

VARGAS: Now I have to ask you because both of them are young women who are very attractive — any chances of a White House wedding for either of them do you think?

BUSH: All I can tell you is this: If a suitor shows up and asks for their hand, he's going to get to come here to the Oval Office and give me an explanation.

WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING?

2006-02-26T16:08:00.000-05:00

Recently I was going through my car and I found a rather large pile of papers. After flipping through them I noticed that most of them were printouts of directions from Mapquest. All of these directions were to the homes of various people I come to know over the last couple years. In a way it was a trip down memory lame; remembering hanging out with people for the first time or in some cases, the last.

I can recall first dates, directions clutched in hands, nervous, trying to find some street in the dark and trying to think of something to say when I finally found that street and got to where I was going. I can recall the hope and in some cases the knoweldge that I had gained a new friend or two. Now I know where you live, now we are definetly friends. In some cases the addresses on these directions did not always bring back good memories. Some of these places led to things that were not so great, some disasters, some embarassments; mostly the fault of myself I am sure.

Some of these directions are very familiar by now and not needed, others I save just in case, and some will never be used again. But they all brought back memories and mixed spectrum of emotions, good and bad. You never know where you are going, even when you do.

Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat

2006-02-24T20:53:00.000-05:00

Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat
A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.

The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

Mr Alifi, Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.

"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up".

Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.

"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.

A MAGICAL QUEST

2006-02-23T19:35:00.000-05:00

So recently I have decided that this summer I will grow a beard. Your first question may be "who gives a shit?" followed by the next obvious question "Can you even do that?". Well the answer to the first question is I don't care, I have nothing else to write about and the answer to the second question is I don't really know.

I am pretty sure I would look really really bad with a beard and the process of getting there would be long and turtuous and I would get uglier as it proceeded. However with all that being said I am seriously debating doing it anyway. Why you may ask? Well because...because I cannot think of a compelling reason not to. And also then I could be as cool as these guys.

SELF-INDULGENT INTROSPECTION

2006-02-19T15:44:00.000-05:00

I spend much of my existence ranting and raving about various things that I find absurd, stupid, or completely illogical. These things I am completely sincere about but all these various complaints and my cynical worldview also serve an alternate purpose. This way of thinking is in part a defense mechanism I use to avoind certain things and situations. This little exercise in pop-pyschology does have a purpose though; I am aware of this and know that I am doing it, now the question is why?

I think my whole way of thinking is flawed in that I ignore the important things, meaning the things that are important to me and the people I care about, and instead focus on things that don't matter and have little relevance to anything. People have told me that I am smart, I don't know if they are right but maybe this intellect should be something I should apply to analyzing my own life.

By nature I am a pessimist, or perhaps just a realist, this ultimately will not change. But this jaded worldview, that I feel is accurate in my case, does have negative consequences that influence many aspects of my life and those around me. Someone very important to me once said that I could never be happy. This was said not as an insult or to hurt, but as a vaild observation; in a way it has become a self fulfilling prophecy.

I am very lucky and this is something I do not acknowledge and factor in my thinking. I have many people who have done more for me then I will ever be able to do for them. Without asking for anything, or a complaint, they have shouldered burdens and been there when they did not have to be. I owe these people a lot, friends and family, they know who they are and they should know that I am very grateful and I love them, and I don't give a fuck if that sounds gay.

My overall worldview and philosophy will not change, but part of that philosophy is that every person is responsible for their own actions and creates their own destiny; there is no malovent or mercurial deity to blame it all on. I am responsible for what happens in my life, every aspect of it, the good and the bad. But I have help, I have people around me who I know care about me and that I can laugh with and share both good times and bad.

This essay is not really intended for an audience, few people will see this and perhaps no one will even bother to read to this point. Thats perfectly fine, this is probably more a personal exercise than anything else. But those that do read it will hopefully understand what I am saying, although I am not sure i even do. I am very lucky, this is something I have to acknowledge and be aware of. My thinking has to change and I have to recognize the positive elements all around, perhaps things are not so bad after all.

MYSPACE IS YOURSPACE

2006-02-17T19:47:00.000-05:00

So recently in school my freshmen received a presentation by upper classmen about the dangers of the internet, specifically things like myspace, aim and the like. As anyone who watched Dateline's "To Catch A Predator" can attest children certainly do have to be wary of creepy guys trying to get in their pants (see above). While that may be true I still find the whole exercise rather amusing and just a tad bit absurd.

I told my students they were about to see a presentation and it was important to be attentive and respectful and pay attention. All that being said I did preface it with the comment "If you have a myspace, you will eventually be visited by a man who drives a windowless van" (see above). I am not sure if they really understood my humor, I am not sure I always understand it. But this is what I do, its who I am, and if I am not going to protect the children, I ask you; who will?

JUST A HEADS UP

2006-02-14T20:01:00.000-05:00

Eventually the sun will explode and the earth (and the solar system) and all life contained therein will be annihilated. Thats the bad news; the good news is we have awhile. Here are some facts about the sun and its inevitable metamorphosis:

# In the next 1.1 billion years, its brightness will increase by 10%. This will super-heat our planet as a result of a severe greenhouse effect. All of the oceans on earth will boil away and all life will be destroyed.

# In about 6.5 billion years, our sun will double in brightness and use up all of its supply of hydrogen fuel in its core. This will cause the sun to begin swelling as it uses hydrogen from the layers surrounding the core.

# In about 8 billion years the sun will swell to 166 times its present size. This giant star will swallow up Mercury, Venus, and maybe even our Earth. Our sun will then be what scientists call a Red Giant because it will be very large and red in color.

# After all hydrogen fuel is used, the sun will begin to use helium as its fuel. This fuel will burn very quickly and only last about 100 million years.

# In about 12 billion years, the sun will eject much of its outer layers and become a smoldering, collapsed core that scientists would call a White Dwarf.

So what does this mean? Well provided there is still life on this planet, and it is of a humanoid critical thinking nature, we (or what we have evolved into) will have to have moved out of the solar system and colonized/settled other worlds light years away.

In my personal opnion, I feel we will die out as a species long before that. Take your pick: asteroids, plagues, dramatic climate change, carbs, freedom, etc. However, this is just a little heads up, life is fleeting, so is the sun and for that matter so is the earth. We are all going to die, and the sun will eventually explode; good motherfucking times.

2006-02-11T13:57:00.000-05:00

This is almost as good as "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve"

2006-02-11T13:55:00.000-05:00

The least read magazine in the whole world.

DAMN YOU BOB

2006-02-09T20:47:00.000-05:00

The following is the transcript of an email I once had to send to an ex-girlfriend due to an incident where I switched phones wuth my friend for the evening and he proceeded to have an x-rated text message conversation with her that she was completely into for some reason. As I was driving home from the bar that evening she called me and I had no idea what the hell she was talking about until I checked my outgoing text messages. Oh the horror.

hi
well about last nite...heres the deal, the first couple text messages were from me personally, meaning i typed them, and the last couple too, most of the ones in the middle (which i read today for the first time in my outgoing box) i did not write. this will sound shady and retarded but it has the added benefit of being true. u see at some point in the nite my friend bob and i switched phones, his ex was bothering him and so he figured i should talk to her (we were drinking pretty heavily at this point) so he ended up with my phone and proceeded to have an x-rated conversation with you, he would say like "oh u have a text, can i respond" and i would give him the go ahead, assuming he was giving semi-normal responses. then it got even better, me and bob, (defying all the odds) actaully started talking to two girls we met and we were having a good time so at some point one of these girls ended up w my cell phone and sent a nice text about and two girls having sex or something, well long story short she lied but it was nice to read in my outgoing messages that i mite have had a chance. i remember bob saying something about panties and apples at one point but did not connect them until today. so in short, im sorry i dont remember most of it but most of my texts were pretty ridiculous so i can only speak for myself, but it was all in good fun. i am going to have a talk with bob.

LESSONS FOR LIFE

2006-02-09T19:22:00.000-05:00

So I recently told this story in class to my students because 1. I don't really know what I'm doing and 2. I was boring myself discussing the reform movements of the 1840's. So here goes: The man pictured to the left took his son to his first ever hockey game last year in Calgary, Alberta. The man for some reason got ridiculously drunk and decided to take all his clothes off and climb onto the ice. He almost made it. The man scaled the glass but slipped on the way over and slammed his head on the ice knocking himself unconcsious spread-eagle naked on the ice. Spread eagle naked and knocked out in front of 20,000 spectators and his son. Thats the story I told to my kids and I think you can all see the educational value in that story. It's better when your parents ignore you.

NOTES FROM UNDERGROUND by DOSTOEVSKY

2006-02-07T21:01:00.000-05:00

The Follwoing is the first part of a work by Russian author Fyodor Dostoevsky. It is an amazing piece of literature that I do not expect most of you to read. However bear with me and soon after posting a few moes short sections of the novel I will return to my rantings, ravings and pictures of whatever it is I post pictures of. Thank you.

PART I Underground*

*The author of the diary and the diary itself are, of course, imaginary. Nevertheless it is clear that such persons as the writer of these notes not only may, but positively must, exist in our society, when we consider the circumstances in the midst of which our society is formed. I have tried to expose to the view of the public more distinctly than is commonly done, one of the characters of the recent past. He is one of the representatives of a generation still living. In this fragment, entitled "Underground," this person introduces himself and his views, and, as it were, tries to explain the causes owing to which he has made his appearance and was bound to make his appearance in our midst. In the second fragment there are added the actual notes of this person concerning certain events in his life. --AUTHOR'S NOTE.

I am a sick man. ... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious). No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. That you probably will not understand. Well, I understand it, though. Of course, I can't explain who it is precisely that I am mortifying in this case by my spite: I am perfectly well aware that I cannot "pay out" the doctors by not consulting them; I know better than anyone that by all this I am only injuring myself and no one else. But still, if I don't consult a doctor it is from spite. My liver is bad, well--let it get worse!

I have been going on like that for a long time--twenty years. Now I am forty. I used to be in the government service, but am no longer. I was a spiteful official. I was rude and took pleasure in being so. I did not take bribes, you see, so I was bound to find a recompense in that, at least. (A poor jest, but I will not scratch it out. I wrote it thinking it would sound very witty; but now that I have seen myself that I only wanted to show off in a despicable way, I will not scratch it out on purpose!)

When petitioners used to come for information to the table at which I sat, I used to grind my teeth at them, and felt intense enjoyment when I succeeded in making anybody unhappy. I almost did succeed. For the most part they were all timid people--of course, they were petitioners. But of the uppish ones there was one officer in particular I could not endure. He simply would not be humble, and clanked his sword in a disgusting way. I carried on a feud with him for eighteen months over that sword. At last I got the better of him. He left off clanking it. That happened in my youth, though.

But do you know, gentlemen, what was the chief point about my spite? Why, the whole point, the real sting of it lay in the fact that continually, even in the moment of the acutest spleen, I was inwardly conscious with shame that I was not only not a spiteful but not even an embittered man, that I was simply scaring sparrows at random and amusing myself by it. I might foam at the mouth, but bring me a doll to play with, give me a cup of tea with sugar in it, and maybe I should be appeased. I might even be genuinely touched, though probably I should grind my teeth at myself afterwards and lie awake at night with shame for months after. That was my way.

I was lying when I said just now that I was a spiteful official. I was lying from spite. I was simply amusing myself with the petitioners and with the officer, and in reality I never could become spiteful. I was conscious every moment in myself of many, very many elements absolutely opposite to that. I felt them positively swarming in me, these opposite elements. I knew that they had been swarming in me all my life and craving some outlet from me, but I would not let them, would not let them, purposely would not let them come out. They tormented me till I was ashamed: they drove me to convulsions and--sickened me, at last, how they sickened me! Now, are not you fancying, gentlemen, that I am expressing remorse for something now, that I am asking your forgiveness for something? I am sure you are fancying that ... However, I assure you I do not care if you are. ...

It was not only that I could not become spiteful, I did not know how to become anything; neither spiteful nor kind, neither a rascal nor an honest man, neither a hero nor an insect. Now, I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot become anything seriously, and it is only the fool who becomes anything. Yes, a man in the nineteenth century must and morally ought to be pre-eminently a characterless creature; a man of character, an active man is pre-eminently a limited creature. That is my conviction of forty years. I am forty years old now, and you know forty years is a whole lifetime; you know it is extreme old age. To live longer than forty years is bad manners, is vulgar, immoral. Who does live beyond forty? Answer that, sincerely and honestly I will tell you who do: fools and worthless fellows. I tell all old men that to their face, all these venerable old men, all these silver-haired and reverend seniors! I tell the whole world that to its face! I have a right to say so, for I shall go on living to sixty myself. To seventy! To eighty! ... Stay, let me take breath ...

You imagine no doubt, gentlemen, that I want to amuse you. You are mistaken in that, too. I am by no means such a mirthful person as you imagine, or as you may imagine; however, irritated by all this babble (and I feel that you are irritated) you think fit to ask me who I am--then my answer is, I am a collegiate assessor. I was in the service that I might have something to eat (and solely for that reason), and when last year a distant relation left me six thousand roubles in his will I immediately retired from the service and settled down in my corner. I used to live in this corner before, but now I have settled down in it. My room is a wretched, horrid one in the outskirts of the town. My servant is an old country- woman, ill-natured from stupidity, and, moreover, there is always a nasty smell about her. I am told that the Petersburg climate is bad for me, and that with my small means it is very expensive to live in Petersburg. I know all that better than all these sage and experienced counsellors and monitors. ... But I am remaining in Petersburg; I am not going away from Petersburg! I am not going away because ... ech! Why, it is absolutely no matter whether I am going away or not going away.

But what can a decent man speak of with most pleasure?

Answer: Of himself.

Well, so I will talk about myself.

SCOREBOARD

2006-02-04T15:02:00.000-05:00

So for my sister's 21st birthday a few of my friends along with her friends decided to hit the Boathouse and celebrate in proper style. Here are some pictures from the evening.
The night will be long remebered for Big Wig, Erik Estrada, Mullets, Construction Boots/Shorts dancing attire and of course....Hardcore Scoreboard.

5 States Consider Bans On Protests at Funerals

2006-01-30T20:31:00.000-05:00

CHICAGO -- At least five Midwestern states are considering legislation to ban protests at funerals in response to demonstrations by the Rev. Fred Phelps and members of his Topeka, Kan.-based Westboro Baptist Church, who have been protesting at funerals of Iraq war casualties because they say the deaths are God's punishment for U.S. tolerance toward gays.

Though the soldiers were not gay, the protesters say the deaths, as well as Hurricane Katrina, recent mining disasters and other tragedies are God's signs of displeasure. They also protested at the memorial service for the 12 West Virginia miners who died in the Sago Mine.

"The families weren't able to bury their loved ones in peace," said Kansas state Sen. Jean Schodorf, who has proposed legislation. "We felt pretty strongly that we needed to do something about it."

Kansas already has a law banning demonstrations at funerals, but Schodorf said the existing law is vague and hard to enforce. The proposed bill would keep protesters 300 feet away from any funeral or memorial service and ban demonstrations within one hour before or two hours after a service.

Legislators in Illinois, Indiana, Missouri and Oklahoma are looking at similar bills. Proposed legislation in Indiana would keep protesters 500 feet from funerals, and make a violation a felony punishable by a three-year prison term and a $10,000 fine.

State Sen. Anita Bowser said she thinks the demonstrators are hoping to provoke a physical attack so they can file a lawsuit.

"These people are not gainfully employed, so they're waiting for someone to do battle with them so they can go to court and win," said Bowser. "They want a big liability case to pursue. I don't think they actually give a diddly wink about the arguments they're making, but they're clever individuals trying to make a fast buck."

Shirley Phelps-Roper, Phelps's daughter and an attorney for the church, said if legislation passes, the group will challenge it in court. "Whatever they do would be unconstitutional," she said. "These aren't private funerals; these are patriotic pep rallies. Our goal is to call America an abomination, to help the nation connect the dots. You turn this nation over to the fags and our soldiers come home in body bags."

A motorcycle group called the Patriot Guard, made up mostly of veterans, has started attending funerals to act as a buffer between the protesters and family members.

"They'll chant and make snide remarks, they have all these signs that say 'Thank God for dead soldiers,' 'Thank God for body bags,' " said Patriot Guard member Rich "Stretch" Strothman, a Wichita resident. "They'll throw the flag on the floor and wipe their feet on it. . . . We go under request from the families, we're not counter-protesters."

Ed Yohnka, communications director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Illinois, said the bills are troubling from a free speech perspective. "We have some concerns about the vagueness of the language," Yohnka said about the proposed Illinois bill. ". . . One of the things that concerns us very much is the degree to which the bill blocks access to people engaged in political expression on public sidewalks. We think a 300-foot bubble is excessive."

-from the Washington Post-January 30, 2006

GOOD TIMES

2006-01-29T19:45:00.000-05:00

ARE YOU GAY?

2006-01-28T15:58:00.000-05:00

Apparently I am 43% gay, who knew? I am sure some of you think that percentage is low. Nonetheless click here to find out how gay you are. I think this must be english or something because they use crazy words like "flats" and "lesbians". Anyway, enjoy.

UP THE STREET

2006-01-28T07:09:00.000-05:00

I CAN TAKEHIM

2006-01-28T07:04:00.000-05:00

This picture is just really fucking awesome, enough said. Insert your own caption.

REASON # 45 WHY THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION WAS A BAD IDEA

2006-01-27T02:50:00.000-05:00

"There's no way I'm going to put myself through Sandhurst and then sit on my arse back home while my boys are out fighting for their country. That may sound very patriotic, but it's true. It's not the way anyone should really work."

That's Prince Harry of Great Britain discussing the possibility of fighting in Iraq for his country. Our leaders love freedom so much that they rename food and make fun of guys who fought in Vietnam. I kid about the title of this post, well sort of.

BOSTON

2006-01-25T19:27:00.000-05:00

Recently I traveled to the city of Boston for the first time. I have to say I really like the city, especially for the fact that everyone there sounds like Mayor Quimby on the Simpsons. While in Boston I had some fun, I committed credit card fraud, met up with some regents people and watched Professional Bull Riding for the first time (I just call it PBR). Now I did not actually go see PBR but from the comfort of my sweet hooked up hotel room ("Your room is ready now Mr. Sutter, the gym is on the third floor and the spa is on the fourth") I watched PBR after awaking from a beautiful nap and deciding that watching morons get trampled by enraged bulls was more fun than actually seeing Boston.

The most interesting thing about bull riding (besides why the fuck would anyone do this) is that they tie a rope around the bull's balls to get them so angry. As the retard/cowboy rides the bull he pulls on this rope causing the bull to buck and try to throw him. Its all rather fascinating, at least for about a half-hour until you realize how fucking stupid it is. Boston is a cool city, everyone there pretends to be Irish and takes sports too seriously, so I fit right in. There is a ton of historic stuff, none of which I actually saw though. In Boston I only saw about four bars, one of which ironically enough was Cheers (not the real one, it has a different name). Boston is good times, especially if you like drunks fighting children in the stands of hockey games. But who doesn't?

Hopefully this summer I will get to return back to Boston with some good friends and perhaps drink too much, catch a sox game and talk about our PBR fantasy teams. Here is one hint when picking your team: dont pick the guys who wear helmets instead of cowboys hats, they are total pussies.

ANAL PROBES

2006-01-20T18:57:00.000-05:00

Who believes in Aliens? This question is rather similiar to the "is there a God question?". One can find both rational and articluate people that can argue persuasively either way. In my own humble uninformed opinion I believe in the former and not the latter. This does not mean that I believe aliens have landed here and stuck anal probes up some red neck's ass; that I do not believe. In fact I do not believe that this Earth has ever been visited by an alien race with the exception of Clair (if you don't know him, you should).

I forget who said this and I really should know but someone (somewhere) once said that you could compare the galaxy to a beach. Each grain of sand on that beach would represent a sun and around each of those suns are planets. Just think of how many grains of sands/suns that is? It is hard to even imagine. Now that is one particular way to visualize the universe, a vast, almost infinite space. It is hard to believe that in that vastness we are unique and that we are alone.

Now here I should make it clear what I am saying. What I am saying is that I believe life exists elsewhere in the universe. I do not neccessarily believe in the cliche alien creature with spaceships, weird eyes, huge fingers and telepahtic ability. By life I just mean life, whether a one celled animal or something more complex. Of course I do not know, but it is a logical assumption using probablity and analysis.

Does life exist on other planest in other worlds? My guess is that yes it does. Of course I could be wrong but I am okay with that because when the aliens come with their probes they won't go after me, they will go after you for not believing in them.

EVERYDAY

2006-01-17T18:28:00.000-05:00

I am teacher, an educator, and everyday I have to go to work and inspire the youth of tommorrow. Thats what they pay me for anyway. Everyday.

Somedays it totally seems worth it despite the bullshit, the endless work, the administrative nonsense, the crazy parents, not to mention the kids themselves. I am doing something useful, I can make a difference, I am not completely wasting my life/time/energy doing all this. Most days it does not, most days it seems futile and overwhelming. I have to fight the urge to escape, to say fuck this. Everyday.

I wait in the hall and greet the students as they come in to my room, I try to be upbeat, have a kind word or a funny thing to say as my kids walk in. Other times I stand out there and nod and acknowledge them but I having nothing to say, my mind is elsewhere, dealing with whatever shit is in my head. The bell rings, it is time to go in and get to work. Everyday.

This is the hardest part of teaching, once your are in the classroom -all the bullshit that your girlfriend puts you through, the thing your friend did to piss you off, the jerk-off in your earlier class who would not shut up- none of this matters any more. You have to shut it out and act like this is the greatest day ever, the greatest class and ever and what you are about to teach them is the most importatnt and interesting thing ever. Everyday.

Am I a good teacher? Not yet. Will I be a good teacher? I do not know. Am I able to shut out the crap in my head and put on a show everyday? Not all the time. Will I even be a teacher a few years from now? Who can say. But for now at least I am a teacher, and I have a job to do. Everyday.

PIRATES VS NINJAS: THIS TIME ITS PERSONAL

2006-01-16T09:25:00.000-05:00

Check out my sweet socks

UPCOMING EVENTS

2006-01-16T08:12:00.000-05:00

I am off today so have nothing to do but play on the internet all day, it beats having friends.

1/21-Boston Road Trip (Rangers v. Bruins)
Beer, hockey and probably more beer, visiting beantown for the first time, should be fun. Tom Bady sucks, so does Curt Schilling.

2/3-Birthday Bash
My little sister turns 21 at the end of January and we will be celebrating her birthday at the Boathouse in style. Please come along, buy her a drink or two and share some laughs, you can clean up the vomit.

2/5-Super Bowl
Super Bowl party here, come early and bring food or drinks or both. There will be lots of yelling and perhaps some fist fights, hopefully.

2/14-Valentines Day
No events scheduled.

3/4-Rangers v. Devils
Going to watch the Rangers battle the forces of darkness at the Meadowlands. Its going to be awesome, I have never seen the Rangers actually beat the Devils, and I have only seen them play 5 times. I will be attending the game with some crazy devil fan who has no idea what she is in for. The Rangers have a roster full of sweet European guys with hockey hair, they cannot be beaten.

RANDON MUSINGS

2006-01-16T07:47:00.000-05:00

TV's and Computers

So for about month I did not have a computer. Needless to say it was pure hell on earth. I did not know what to do with myself without the ability to compulsively check away messages, read blogs and download pornography and music at my leisure. Not to mention accomplishing nothing for work and trying to live in a world where the only source of news is cable. Horrific.

The Loo

So for new years I went to St. Louis with some friends to visit some friends. It was good times, except for the fact that our van broke down in the ghetto of St. Louis and my parents disowned me as a result. All in all it was fun, me and Frank almost fought a few times but we had some laughs, dominated in ultimate frisbee and drank a lot, which is new for me. Also we built an arch and discussed the merits of cow tipping among other events. Always good to see old friends and yell about stuff.

The Worst Thing in the World (almost)

Just four words..."I think I'm late"

RIP

2006-01-15T21:43:00.000-05:00

Here is the van that took us to St. Louis, It never made it back though. This story has been recounted many times by others so I will not tell it here. But this is my chance to say goodbye, to bring closure and pray that the dead will not haunt me for the rest of my life. I will never mock the dead again.

Is it me or does Steve sort of look like he is one of our moms driving us to the mall? Maybe its just me.